Thanksgiving thoughts

This blog has occasionally been a cathartic mechanism for me (and others). Today it is a bit more of that for me.

A year ago this week, we had visits from Nicole, Dad, and Christine. We started some projects, had some great meals, and went to some cool places (like Salumi and the Frye Museum). It was an amazing way for me, and by extension, my family to mark our territory. On a side note, the sink hasn’t backed up since Dad and I fixed it last year. Knock on wood.

We had the holiday of a lifetime this past summer. I could not have wished a better one.

Having the house now for a little over a year, I see the point. I’m proud of the things we’ve done, and I look forward to the things we will do. But those are just things. The more dear impression is the act of observing the calm and comfort it brings to the people inhabiting the house. I’m glad I could get beyond my reservations to enable that. It’s not that there wasn’t comfort before, but this is a bit more intense.

Looking back to the past, as far back as Mom’s illness, there has been some tumult. And in recent years, we’ve experienced a great deal of turmoil. Moving into this house, and feathering the nest as we have has been a curative act. While I still can’t quite fathom the finances of it all, I’m okay with that. It takes awhile for some things to leave an impression.

Even my worklife has improved. I have found ways in which to keep in perspective. I’m playing with ideas. That technique is one of the single most useful techniques that I’ve learned in recent years. And while I could get all nauseating about “therapy” let me just say that I’m grateful for the kind and gentle healing of all my doctors, but especially Maryetta, my therapist. She is kind. She is intelligent. She understands how I think about things and offers very useful guidance to a person, me, I can’t help but think can be a difficult customer. So just ‘play with the idea.’ Don’t act at all. Fight the urge ‘to do’ and simply play with the idea. It’s low cost, low risk and it might help.

My thoughts have also turned to Amy’s family. Her mom is getting forgetful and, in recent visits, both Carl and Ginny have shown their age. It’s inevitable isn’t it? You want to take care of yourself and live a good life but eventually life takes its toll. Ginny herself has changed a bit but the bigger influence is on Paul, Karen and Amy. Carl is affected too but in a different way. The kids have to face both their parents mortality and, in a way, their own as a consequence. It makes you realize, like you needed another reminder, to appreciate the moment, notice the little things. Just go help out with the dishes and spend some time with her.

Mom’s death was untimely and made me very sad. It still does. But sadness is right next to happy in the emotional spectrum. You are sad because you loved so much. Emotions seem paired like that. And I can move from sad to reflecting on the not sad at all.

Aging is a little different. Cancer gives you a firm contrast. It is bad. It is fought. Aging doesn’t seem as serious, but it has an inevitable outcome. You don’t beat it. In that way, it is worse than cancer. It overcomes hope. I feel bad that my wife has to experience that. I hope that she can draw strength from her family and from mine.

It has been a strange realization that we are now entering a new phase of our adult lives. It’s news to me. Despite losing people who were dear, and some who were old, I’m seeing a different side of life now. The challenge is to find a way to get through to another year, because another year will come.

My other blog is a Datsun B210

Just to let you know, I’ve extended my professional writing to include a blog I’m presently calling SDK Writer. If you look here you can see my thoughts about what I do. You could even call me names in the comments if you are inclined.

http://blogs.msdn.com/franla

Despite the lack of the letter X, it is I, your frère. While you might find it odd that I omit such a bad ass letter, knowing my affection for my middle initial, it is a subtle tribute to Microsoft’s apparent need to eradicate all formality. In almost all official communication, they refuse to use it.

I might change it later but that’s the state in which we start.

Hyuk.

Step 1: Go to Google.com

Step 2: Click on Images to do an image-search.

Step 3: Search for "cornea surgery kansas"

Step 4: Enjoy!

Capt. John. Arghhh.

Capt. John. Arghhh.

Summer vacation

We spent a great vacation this summer in France. Odd for me, I don’t know what to write about it.

It was just great. Relaxing. Fun. Rejuvenating is perhaps the best word I can find.

The first part of the vacation was spent with Paul, Katherine and Dylan - our local Seattle relatives. That middle part was spent with our east coast relatives: Christine and Doug, Nicole and Derek, and my dad, Red. The last week was with the inlaws: Karen and Molly, and Carl and Ginny.

Most of the time was spent in Brittany, the northwest part of France. It was July so it was hot in all of France. It was a heat wave, canicule in French. We were near the coast so there was a breeze often enough. The heat was bearable for all but a few days.

Brittany is very beautiful. Inland, it is rural France, filled with farms, old towns, etc. At the coast, it is very flat with sections of beach and rocky coast line.

Really nothing is needed from me to describe it. You can look it up. I’m not saying anything new.

We saw my good friend, Yannick, who was the kindergarten teacher for both Nathalie and Marc at the French Immersion School of Washington. Yannick is a good friend. I miss seeing him more often. I got the chance to play golf with him, Doug and Red. It was a good day but not a great round of golf for most of us. It is always a compromise to play rented clubs at a new course. The course was nice though the drought and heat made it a bit of a challenge to figure out. And, there is plenty of water on the course so we lost a lot of balls in hazards.

I played golf with Yannick another time, too, which I enjoyed for the solitude and chance to chat.

Pets

I don't really get pets. Can anyone explain to me the role of pets in their lives?

Why does anyone want a pet?

Strong Bad

Strong Bad's latest email.

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail152.html

This guy kills me.

If you need an explanation about the characters just go to the main web site.

Pressure?

Playing the tuba again has been a very mixed experience. Overall, it is good but it has produced some moments of 'why am I doing this?' From the expense of lessons and instruments, to the weird feeling of sitting next to someone who is clearly judging you as you have paid him to do, it can be a bit demoralizing.

I have tried to convey to Nathalie that, in music anyway, that you are first bad then good. Despite the stories about Mozart and other geniuses (who were purportedly never bad), you have to be bad at playing something first. It's just part of the deal. Eventually you might become proficient; you will surely improve. For people who have natural talents at anything or demand that they never embarrass themselves in public, this can be non-starter. In other words, it can prevent you from trying something. This is the biggest barrier when adults learn for the first time.

I've been trying to overcome some of this myself. As I have said before, I initially repel much of the tuba music and orchestral situations that I've experienced in the past. But in a sense, I'm short changing myself. It is okay not to like that stuff. But, I don't know if it is all that simple - a negative subjective judgment.

I've tried to allow myself to have an open-mind and occasionally, I've been surprised. I've really improved in the short time I've been playing. I have some very different thoughts about playing (now versus college years) and find it very easy to practice for more than one hour. I even enjoy some of the stuff that I really thought I would hate. It might simply be that there is no pressure. Was there pressure before? I felt it but where did it come from?

I don't know but I've even considered upping the ante. I've considered getting an 'orchestral' tuba (a CC not the BBb that I have) . I'm not sure where this is going but that seems okay for awhile.

Practicing

There is a long, more reflective post in my about music, but for now I'll stick to something a little more pragmatic.

Artists figured out that they need studios, and musicians should replicate this kind of workspace for themselves. Musicians have other problems that artists don't have (and vice versa). A musician has to periodically move his axe to the gig so you need enough room to move around, pack up and you might need two of some things in the case and in the studio - valve oils, or other things that you don't want to have to hunt around for.

Here's what you should have if you are going to practice an instrument:

1. Access to a keyboard. A keyboard makes replicating the sound of a piece (or scale) very easy. It is both visual and aural. When you don't know what something sounds like, play it on the piano (easy and slow) to put the sound target in your head. The idea of seeing notes on a page and envisioning (with your ears) the sound is very advanced. Putting the musical idea in your mind's ear is important and one of the most overlooked parts of instrumental instruction.
   
2. A metronome. Tapping your foot is considered gauche. It is also unreliable. You must develop an internal metronome, but you do that by having an external one to start. I have excellent 'time' but this single addition to my practicing makes it possible to focus on other aspects of my practicing and later integrate the sound and meter.
   
3. A recording device. Also overlooked. A simple dicatation machine can suffice. You must listen to what you are doing. You develop ticks such as audible gasping for air that must be heard in order for you to believe it because your mind is so engaged in other things. You will hear whether you are playing in time. I was surprised to see how many teachers use laptops for this now. Why not?
   
4. A music stand and a desk (or bookcase) where you can keep your music and get at it easily as long as a place for water, rag, and other supplies (valve oil, cork grease, etc.) It's gotta be easy or you don't do it. Playing a difficult passage in the key of B (five sharps - remember?)? Go find that method book and play some B scales for a bit. Loosen up those fingers.
   

Just some thoughts.

Concerts, work, and the house

I played in my first couple of concerts last week. Three of the 7 pieces had tuba parts.

Finlandia - Sibelius
Overture for Romeo and Juliet - Tchaikovsky
Name unknown - Gabrielli brass chorale

The second concert was better than the first. Overall, we played pretty well. The kids and Amy probably had never seen me play in a real concert. Paul, Katherine, and Dylan came too. It was a fun time.

Work is going well for me. I've complained a lot about it in the past so I'm just lending an update. It seems to go better when I care less about it. I have other interests in life and that seems to provide me with some needed balance.

The work on our house is finally done. We have some clean-up and painting to do. It looks great. At some point, we will put up some before and after shots.

I hear that Nicole and Derek are living at 39 Plantation. That's kind of weird but cool. I hope that Worcester can handle them. ;-)

Graduation and Tuba lessons

Congratulation Kid-Rolla on graduating. You are all edjumacated now. Officially, the way we count in our house, you are smarter than me. Why? Because you went to more school. I'm the smartest in our house because I went to my school.

I took my first tuba lesson in 20 years. That's right, you heard me. I said twenty years. It went okay. Also, I played my first concert in only slightly less time. And I didn't suck. In fact, I played pretty well. The orchestra sounded good for a bunch of amateurs. On all but one piece, I think we played our best.

It is the first music lesson I've ever had from someone younger than me. That too was a little weird. I am back to a lot of basic stuff. But that's what I want. I want to go back to the basics and build up a little. Later, I can think a little more about artistry and skillz.

040106

kid-rolla graduates in 8 days.

i'm just sayin is all.

Genealogy

Welcome to Cha-linka. You can't really spell her name without a couple clicks in the middle that are very hard to spell in English.

We have friends out here in the KC who are Canadian and very into genealogy. Turns out, if you they have a French last name in the New World, there is a good chance they are a cousin in some way. A relatively small number of French people immigrated to the New World.

I've had a passing interest in geneaology, but it has been stoked a bit. Two things I've learned recently. Grandma's line is much easier to trace. And the Sullivan line to Ireland is fairly direct to Killarney. Yes, it sounds like a made up place but it isn't.

As for all those people who talk smack about their ancestors and the Mayflower or Daughters and Sons of the Revolution, you have to go back 12 generations (late 1600s - early 1700s) from what I can see to trace back the Old World. I haven't figured out how to integrate some of this information into anything useful but a cursory glance confirms the suspicion that many of the ancestors did come from Normandy, Brittany and the Loire valley. I'll post the info at some point.

Therapy and me

I’ve been in therapy on and off for awhile. My most recent therapy started some time in April last year and I’m still going, with months off here and there. I like going. It has helped me a lot.

Full-disclosure: I’ve probably been depressed for 5 or 6 years. The most recent therapy has focused on dealing with my lingering anger over the Chuck snafu. Maybe you can’t imagine it but while this friend of mine hurt my family, he was still my friend. And when the whole thing unraveled and he committed suicide, it was very hard for me, though I didn’t know how hard it was.

That snafu followed on the heels of the heart surgery, a classic cause of depression. However, I think that some kind of chemical imbalance might have started in the years after Mom’s death. I guess the reason that I mention any of this is to say that maybe this has happened to you.

For me, music helps a lot with this. I’m sure there is some research on this but I know this from experience. I could always pick up my bass and affect my mood. I didn’t know how much playing the other music was helping me. Re-engaging the tuba and other kinds of musical experiences has been a bit of an “ah-ha” moment. (insert oom-pah joke here)

Also, writing has been good.

Music in your head

This morning, like many mornings, I woke up with a tune in my head. It was Be Yourself, by Audioslave. In case you don’t know, Audioslave is Chris Cornell – the vocalist from Soundgarden, and the rhythm section from Rage against the Machine – whose names escape me. It’s a song that I’ve been considering arranging for String Bass, Tuba, Trombone, and vocalist. Yeah, weird, but think Kronos, the string quartet.

The reason I chose those instruments is because I know people who play them and I think it would work.

But, in order to arrange a tune, you first have to deconstruct it. This morning when I got up, I had the song in my head so I sat down at our piano and started to play it, figure out the parts. I know the song in my head so I just listen to it until I know the notes. You can do this too. I think that most of the time, if you listen to your head, the song plays (in your head), in the right key.

You can either vocalize a part that you know that you can sing, and then discover it on the piano or guitar (or whatever) . Or you can keep playing the notes and just listen (without vocalizing) until you find the notes that match up.

If you sing the parts then you have must find parts that are in your range. Other parts might be out of your range and you won't sing them well and get discouraged. It is Chris Cornell, afterall.

Let me know if you can do this with any tune.

I thought the cold sore email thread was hilarious and I’m not sure why.

House remodel

The minor house project is underway. The new doors are in the garage and the small wall near the entrance is up. The doorway to between the office and the TV room has been narrowed to the size of the opening for the French doors.

The new white four panel doors will be up by tomorrow and the glass doors might be in place by the weekend.

I'll get BeadLady to post some pictures to the web site.

Amy is changing her mind on the colors in the family room. I've been meaning to try and capture Dad's mural in a photo too. I'll see if I can't get that done soon.

Tuba Redux

I went to my first orchestra rehearsal in years this Monday. It was fun. A lot came back to me. Even some of the subtleties. I fell right into some old habits of counting rests ;-), and even marking the music the way 'pros' do. Most surprising thing I didn't remember? Playing the tuba is a very physical activity (as Kid-rolla said). I am rounding into lip shape, but the physical act of controlling my wind is going to take sometime. In fact, I might never be as good due to age and lack of practice time.

You might not remember but there is only one tuba in an orchestra. On this night, there were two. Me and another guy who is not a beginner but also a player from long back. He played in high school and a little in college but never much orchestra experience. I think he got a lot of confidence from play with me.

It's funny to see even in an amateur/volunteer orchestra, that there is always a pecking order in an ensemble. It is very codifyed. For example, in the strings, each 'desk' is shared. The first chair player, on the side facing the audience, doesn't turn the pages. The second chair of the desk does that. It is his/her responsibility and expectation. Typically, he or she would make any notes to the music if needed.

I am buying a Miraphone 186 BBb tuba. It is the same horn that I played throughout college. In fact, it is the same model. I heard someone call it the Coca-cola of tubas. Very solid professional level horn but not at all very pretentious. It would not be considered elite. It is like a Fender Stratocaster. You virtually can't go wrong with one. The other guy had a Jupiter.

The horn is being taken to a pro tech who will chemically clean it (essentially a soak in acid slightly stronger than vinegar) and perform the usual valve maintenance. It will have some dents removed but nothing that would be considered major surgery.

In the meanwhile, the dealer gave me a Yamaha tuba to play. It is silver. I never played a silver tuba. The sound is slightly more bold, a little less warm. The horn itself plays very nicely and has some better ergonomics than the Miraphone, though it is very heavy. The metal feels harder and that might be why the sound is a little more bold. Maybe I'll get my mic out and record it.

Hank Kulik had one of the first popular Yamaha tubas. It as a 3/4 size tuba with 3 valves and was brass. It was a great little tuba to play. And compared to a fibreglass sousaphone sounded so much more refined. The valves were a little wonky on it. Yamaha has moved from an also ran in the instrument business to a leader. I'll have to get a picture of this horn to show you. Stunning really.

I remember tripping when I was going up the stairs in Tuckerman Hall and putting a dent in Hank's horn, which he always loaned to us students for the refined gigs. Did I ever feel like crap. Hank took it in stride and pretty much never said a word about it. What a great guy he was to those of us he liked. He was not averse to tearing someone a new one so we very much appreciated being on his good side.

um.

i was just updating a tYpo on my own blog, and somehow the post disappeared from my blog and ended up on Sibling Rivalry. i have no idea how it happened, but i apologize for the disturbance.
Derek

ok, FINALLY figured it out. stupid tyPos!

Hey Favorite, are you back to work

How's the foot. Do you drive fast as feared?

Let it Snow?

Make it stop.

Damn. We skied today and the drive back was treacherous. Very scary. Very long. Normally, it takes 40 minutes. Tonight it took over 2 and a half hours. We were traveling at 5 mph for a long time - after being motionless for 45 minutes.

This is what it looked like:
http://www.summitatsnoqualmie.com/winter/dayphoto.asp?Dir=&Image=io.jpg&Page=

Last year no snow. This year approximately 4 feet of snow will have fallen Friday night, this weekend alone. Current base = 108 inches. You do the math.

http://www.summitatsnoqualmie.com/winter/index.asp

They closed the pass after we left and the cars were backed up for miles, going eastbound. The web cams looked non-functioning when I realized it was just that foul. It was black

FXL

Tuba come and I wanna go home

This is a long thread and a bit indulgent on my part to add to the blog. It just seemed the right place for it. And really? It was one of the more fun threads for me in awhile .

I omited a couple minor digressions for meandering humor. I don't think you'll mind. But if you do, there are always comments.

And to keep the spammers away:

• Cornet is J.
• Harmonica is Redsy.
  
  ------------------------------
  From: Big Brother
  Sent: Friday, January 27, 2006 6:29 PM
  To: Moi; Cornet; 'Kid-Rolla'; 'Trouble Mag'; 'The Favorite'; 'Harmonica'
  Subject: Re: tuba
  
  I made a comment to Dad and I don't think he'll mind if I make it again. The living room had a drum kit in it. Yes. A couple kids in our neighbor hood have garage bands (always at the drummer's house). And the drums are clearly audible from a couple houses away. It made me think, how in the HELL did Mom and Dad put with that racket in the living room of a small house. I'll point out that there is no door now nor was there before. I said this to dad and he said simply, "I never thought it sounded that bad." That is both sweet (you big lug) and telling? I can honestly say it takes a fair amount of patience to listen to beginners.
  
  But the kids are playing the tuba at home, which is sort of funny. I even thought I was younger than Nathalie when I started? In fact I was one year older than Marc? That's impossilbe. But it's true. I grew to hate the sousaphone because compared to a real tuba, they sound thin and are little amateurish. But I don't think I would have been able to play a real tuba. They are big and heavy and dangerous.
  
  As I recall, Dad bought some used musical instruments from various and sundry places rather than renting. I'm finding out that this is a good idea. For the record, a cello costs about $64/month for about 28 months. A typical non-sucking student cello costs about $1,400. A used, intermediate cello costs anywhere from $1,000 to 1,700 and is more than likely a better, easier to play instrument. So we recently returned the rental and I have my eyes out for a used one. My musical connection at work occasionally gets them and he is keeping his eye open.
  
  Big Brother
  ----- Original Message -----
  From: Moi
  To: 'Big Brother' ; Cornet ; 'Kid-Rolla' ; 'Trouble Mag' ; 'The Favorite' ; 'Harmonica'
  Sent: Friday, January 27, 2006 4:21 AM
  Subject: RE: tuba
  
  I think we played (the older ones) because we saw it as a great opportunity to do something interesting and different. Remember those were the days when kids romped around in the backyard for entertainment rather than getting shuttled from gymnastics to karate to music and other various playgroups. We had to make due with our neighbors and each other ;)
  
  I remember distinctly that Lisa Hadley was going to take Jazz and Tap dancing lessons with Mrs. Capalette or something like that, up the hill from the Methodist Church. I was given the choice in grade 4 to either do one of those with her, or take up an instrument. I figured, rather narrow mindedly looking back, that my only choices were flute or clarinet since that's what girls played. I think I chose clarinet because of the two it was the less predictably girlish.
  
  I loved marching band and the football games. I enjoyed the other stuff, but knew I was never better than okay. In the early years, Michelle Hamel set the bar for clarinet players. She was really good. I am sorry she gave it up. The rest of us (my peers) were mediocre.
  
  Seems to me people have an inherent interest in music. It is natural. Especially if you have any musical influences like Dad playing harmonica, or Uncle George playing guitar at Christmas at Mémère's.
  
  I know Mom used to comment on our forming a band or simply playing together at home. We had a nice variety of instruments, especially when Mike took up the drums, which she said she loved. (She loved the French horn also.)
  
  Picture the living room with a drum kit in it. Did that come at Christmas time? (My clarinet was a Christmas gift.)
  
  Like John's comment about Emily, I was wondering if Nathalie's taking up cello has helped stir up Fran's ruminations, in addition to the MS Orchestra opportunity.
  
  Xoxox
  
  ----- Original Message -----
  From: Trouble Mag
  To: Moi ; 'Big Brother' ; 'Kid-Rolla' ; 'The Favorite' ; 'Cornet' ; 'Harmonica'
  Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 5:26 PM
  Subject: Re: tuba
  
  Yes, I'm listening, just getting over a migraine and catching up.
  
  I was going to add the Ireland trip but I see someone else remembered...
  I occasionally pick up my flute - it needs to be re-padded - that helps me sound bad! I can't remember much, but it entertains Camile, so I try.
  I should be a few beginner books...
  
  Anyway, go for it Fran! Like someone pointed out, it doesn't matter if it's a hobby or a passing thang - if you want to do it - just do it.
  
  Am I typing in tongue, must be the headache.
  L, Mh
  
  
  ----- Original Message -----
  From: Kid-Rolla
  To: Kid-Rolla ; Big Brother ; Cornet ; moit ; Trouble Mag; The Favorite ; Harmonica
  Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 5:06 PM
  Subject: Re: tuba
  
  Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I loved playing. In fact, I particularly enjoyed marching band.
  
  I will be taking singing lessons once I graduate. And after that, some dance classes.
  
  ----- Original Message -----
  From: Kid-Rolla
  To: Big Brother ; Cornet ; moit ; Kid-Rolla ; Trouble Mag; The Favorite ; Harmonica
  Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 5:05 PM
  Subject: Re: tuba
  
  
  I played because you guys played. I played flute because Chou played flute (and it was cheaper than a trombone). What a dorky family - we really are the Brady's - sha-la-la-la la-la la-la-la...sha-la-la la-la. Let's get together and form a band
  
  ________________________________________
  From: Big Brother
  Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 7:07 PM
  To: Cornet; Moi; 'Kid-Rolla'; 'Trouble Mag'; 'The Favorite'; 'Harmonica'
  Subject: Re: tuba
  
  It's possible that you just thought it might be fun, right? That's the part thats easy to lose touch with. I'm just figuring that out. So what if it isn't more than a hobby? So what if it was a passing thing? I don't think that Nathalie should have persisted at ballet anymore than I should have persisted at ballet ( I did take ballet and modern dance - full disclosure - lot of fun too - plus class if full of women in tights - just saying).
  
  You can do stuff just for the fun of it and if Emily wants to take sousaphone for one year, let her. I'll even buy her method books when she is done!
  
  Big Brother
  
  P.S. I probably should have put this on the blog. Maybe I'll capture it for posterity.
  ----- Original Message -----
  From: Cornet
  To: Big Brother ; Moi ; 'Kid-Rolla' ; 'Trouble Mag' ; 'The Favorite' ; 'Harmonica'
  Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 3:11 PM
  Subject: Re: tuba
  
  No Fran ,
  You really suck. It was all a conspiracy. ;)
  
  
  I sometimes miss my musical days, and my musical skills are completely rusty. I am reminded of that as Emily approaches ( 5th grade) the age of having the possibility to play a musical instrument. I think we started to play in 4th grade. I am not sure exactly how we were all interested in playing and wondered if there was a little more than encouragement from Mom and Dad or the peer pressure from the other siblings playing already. Whatever it was I am very thankful for the experience. I think that I would very much enjoy being in a pit band and playing at the local play house or something. I think that it would be a great hobby.
  
  I say get the tuba, I am sure there will be opportunity for you to play! (even if you still suck.. lol)
  
  love,
  John
  
  
  ----- Original Message -----
  From: Big Brother
  To: Big Brother ; Moi ; 'Kid-Rolla' ; 'Trouble Mag' ; 'The Favorite' ; 'Cornet' ; 'Harmonica'
  Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 5:10 PM
  Subject: Re: tuba
  
  I'm not at all sure why I felt the need to unload all that on you guys.
  
  Thanks for the encouragement.
  ----- Original Message -----
  From: Big Brother
  To: Moi ; 'Kid-Rolla' ; 'Trouble Mag' ; 'The Favorite' ; 'Cornet' ; 'Harmonica'
  Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 8:54 AM
  Subject: Re: tuba
  
  I'm not sure what to call my sudden lack of confidence or whatever. But thanks for reminding me of the facts.
  
  Here is my recollection. Now I don't know if this is some kind of "Glory Days" exaggerated recollection of youthful exuberance. Or, a more meaningful rememberance of something that has, at present, slipped through my grasp.
  
  I was the Principal Tuba player in the Central Mass Symphony Orchestra - I played ballets, the regular concert series, and other "Pops" related concerts including the summer series. This was a position that I essentially grew into. Me and Joe Halko (along with Brian Scannell, Marc Flynn and Johan "John" Songdahl) all played in the Youth Orchestra. When it came time to go to college, Joe and I played in the adult orchestra (as we called it - or the professional orchestra that people paid to go see). It was a union job so I was also in the local musicians union.
  
  Hank Kulik, who was my teacher (the person you identify as your teacher is a big deal in music circles), had gotten many of us (his students) into the union at a fairly young age. Probably 14 or 15 so that we could play gigs as needed, including those with the Pulaski Brass Band - also professional though a much lower caliber. Hank also hired us for other gigs he did - such as Heinrich and the Barbarians - a brilliant alter ego band that played Oktoberfests, etc.
  
  We played lots of parades and festivals in the summers in various incarnations. It also meant that we were occassionally employed in other ad hoc settings - brass choirs to play x-mas carols.
  
  There were districts, all state and finally, a number of us were in a select group that played in Ireland in the summer 1980.
  
  What all this means is that by the time I got to Lowell, I had a lot of experience in a variety of settings. And, I knew that I was one of the better, if not the best, tuba player at my school. (There may have been a total of 15 players at any one time but probably less.) In a way, this was a little disappointing. I don't think I ever had the desire to progress much further at that point.
  
  I played more bass and, by my senior year, I was playing only a minimal amount of tuba in my ensembles and playing more and more bass guitar. A number of us from Lowell played in the CMSO and we would commute down to the Harry Levenson gigs together. Me, Joe Halko, from the earlier group, and Margo McGowan, prin. clarinet, and James Lounsberry, first desk violin.
  
  The highlights of my college playing were these: playing in a touring brass ensemble that took a 2 week trip in New England. Challenging the tuba player in the Wind Sinfonia (the number one ensemble) at school and having the adjudicator put circus music in front of me for the site reading. It was like giving a dog a bone. Thanks to Hank, we regularly scorched circus music in lessons and in groups. I smoked it. I knew I won the challenge, which are supposed to be anonymous. Of course, they aren't if you know the players sounds. I always had the big sound that Hank liked. Later, I didn't get into the group because the conductor, who was then my tuba instructor and an ass who could easily identify my sound, would not accept me. I ended up in a sit down meeting with the Dean of the College of Music. He informed me that I had apparently burned a couple too many bridges and was told that my attitude had lead to a lot of conductors not liking me very much. This was a big crossroads for me. I basically walked out of that meeting a bass player.
  
  I figured f-them basically. It was a real eye opener because it showed me that playing ability wasn't the only thing. I benefited in a change to the rules at the point. I could play a very minimal amount of tuba even though I was a tuba major as long as I was in one ensemble. My roommate, Tom O'Toole, and I formed a tuba-euphonium quartet and that was it for the most part. The rest was bass guitar. It was great because we ended up 'premiering' a lot of pieces for composition majors including Mark Neslusan. People loved to write for tuba quartet because, wait for it, they are inherently funny.
  
  Anyhoo, i guess it is all a little more complicated than just getting my chops back. I had some real skills, just not a lot of savvy.
  
  Big Brother
  
  ----- Original Message -----
  From: Harmonica
  To: Big Brother
  Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 8:08 AM
  Subject: Re: tuba
  
  This is unbelievable, Sunday past I was playing my usual oompha oompha music on the old fashion radio(happy music for happy people) and my thoughts were almost exactly as what Crisso wrote to you. I will add to the list although I don't know if she will remember that you were also the youngest person to carry a tuba in the parade festivals. Your ears must have ringing I dug out a CD that was made for me by Larry Waterhouse I liked it because it reminds me of you and Hank Kulik. I will put it in the mail, I tell the kids that's you playing. IRONIC love eal
  
  ----- Original Message -----
  From: Michael Langlois
  To: Kid-Rolla ; moit ; Big Brother ; Trouble Mag; Cornet ; Harmonica
  Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 5:04 AM
  Subject: Re: tuba
  
  you would get my vote for Hollywood
  
  ps
  N your face is beautiful
  pss
  Everybodys face is beautiful, and the rest of the body and person too
  
  ----- Original Message -----
  From: Kid-Rolla
  To: moit ; Big Brother ; Kid-Rolla ; Trouble Mag; The Favorite ; Cornet ; Harmonica
  Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 4:52 AM
  Subject: RE: tuba
  
  I can only what Chrisso said due to the fact that I was ages 5-9 while you were in college. I don't recall the playing per se, but I recall the activities. I can also attest to the fact that one loses one's chops after a while, but that doesn't mean you can't get them back. They're muscles, you gotta work em out, obicularis oris and the buccinator muscles especially. I tried to pick up my flute a while back, and I was as good as second chair second flute (which doesn't compare to the vast accomplishments of Big Brother, but hey) and couldn't play a scale withought sounding windy and having my face hurt. Yeah, Mike, I know...It's killing you too.
  
  love, N
  
  
  
  ----- Original Message -----
  From: Moi
  To: 'Big Brother' ; 'Kid-Rolla' ; 'Trouble Mag' ; 'The Favorite' ; 'Cornet' ; 'Harmonica'
  Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 4:20 AM
  Subject: RE: tuba
  
  Rather than waste your time with mere flattery, I'll try to remind you of some of the facts as I can recall them with my own omissions / embellishments:
  
  1. You played PROFESSIONALLY with Hank's Polish band.
  2. You played with Mr. Levinson's orchestra.
  3. There were other youth orchestral experiences and marching band at U formerly L that were selective and they let you play.
  4. If there were an American Idol for tuba players, after getting your chops back in shape you'd be going to Hollywood!
  
  ________________________________________
  From: Big Brother
  Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2006 11:47 PM
  To: Kid-Rolla; Trouble Mag; The Favorite; Cornet; Moi; Harmonica
  Subject: tuba
  
  I work with a guy who sells musical instruments on the side. He recently got 4 or 5 tubas and let me take one home. Boy do I suck! I used to be good, right? I mean I could play. I took a lot of lessons.
  
  It is an amazing tug of war for me. I'm thinking of finally buying a tuba, right when I need it the least. But on the other hand, it is really fun playing it again. I'd like to get back to at least not sucking.
  
  This guy of course immediately invited me to play in the Microsoft orchestra. What? I didn't even know there was one. He clearly hasn't heard me play.
  
  Yes. I am fishing for compliments but also a little reassurance. I could play, right?
  
  Big Brother