Pressure?

Playing the tuba again has been a very mixed experience. Overall, it is good but it has produced some moments of 'why am I doing this?' From the expense of lessons and instruments, to the weird feeling of sitting next to someone who is clearly judging you as you have paid him to do, it can be a bit demoralizing.

I have tried to convey to Nathalie that, in music anyway, that you are first bad then good. Despite the stories about Mozart and other geniuses (who were purportedly never bad), you have to be bad at playing something first. It's just part of the deal. Eventually you might become proficient; you will surely improve. For people who have natural talents at anything or demand that they never embarrass themselves in public, this can be non-starter. In other words, it can prevent you from trying something. This is the biggest barrier when adults learn for the first time.

I've been trying to overcome some of this myself. As I have said before, I initially repel much of the tuba music and orchestral situations that I've experienced in the past. But in a sense, I'm short changing myself. It is okay not to like that stuff. But, I don't know if it is all that simple - a negative subjective judgment.

I've tried to allow myself to have an open-mind and occasionally, I've been surprised. I've really improved in the short time I've been playing. I have some very different thoughts about playing (now versus college years) and find it very easy to practice for more than one hour. I even enjoy some of the stuff that I really thought I would hate. It might simply be that there is no pressure. Was there pressure before? I felt it but where did it come from?

I don't know but I've even considered upping the ante. I've considered getting an 'orchestral' tuba (a CC not the BBb that I have) . I'm not sure where this is going but that seems okay for awhile.