If heart surgery and the Chuck-snafu hadn't come up, I probably would be a little further along in this question. I have been relatively unhappy at Microsoft for about 3 years. Possibly longer.
When Amy asked me the last time I was really happy, I had to think a long time about it. My answer was before, during, and after our France trip. Prior to that, I couldn't say - probably the last Otis trip.
My point, and I do have one, is that my lack of happiness at work has had a considerable effect on me. I feel a bit of a failure at Microsoft too. I think quiting or getting another job would represent some sort of failure. I don't know why that bugs me so much.
Where does whining end and good sense begin? I just don't like being grumpy all the time at home and generally unhappy at work.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Redirect on the House discussion
I've been doing a lot of thinking about the house search lately. I realize that one of the main reasons for me that this is a big deal is that the house represents some kind of symbol for the journey through life.
All of this is subjective thinking but nevertheless...
Each house that we have rented has represented a step in journey. The direction of those steps has felt correct, that we were headed towards a collective vision, even if it was not well articulated or spoken. Of course, sometimes it was all that. It was overt, explicit and mutually accpepted.
That direction has become muddled now. I'm not saying that you must take discreet and perfect steps toward a goal. I'm saying that you head off on a path that vaguely has you traveling, together, in a direction that you both enjoy.
It's easier to get two people to agree on something than it is to get four people to agree, generally speaking. I know that 'the townhouse' is not part of that overall direction. Hopefully it isn't too long a layover in a bad airport, if I can mix metaphors.
I think the big fear for me is to get locked into something, by way of financial leverage, that is not where we want to go. Later, there would be a continued need to service something that you know is not the the right thing. That would be a big burden for me. Maybe not for others but for me, it would be big.
All of this is subjective thinking but nevertheless...
Each house that we have rented has represented a step in journey. The direction of those steps has felt correct, that we were headed towards a collective vision, even if it was not well articulated or spoken. Of course, sometimes it was all that. It was overt, explicit and mutually accpepted.
That direction has become muddled now. I'm not saying that you must take discreet and perfect steps toward a goal. I'm saying that you head off on a path that vaguely has you traveling, together, in a direction that you both enjoy.
It's easier to get two people to agree on something than it is to get four people to agree, generally speaking. I know that 'the townhouse' is not part of that overall direction. Hopefully it isn't too long a layover in a bad airport, if I can mix metaphors.
I think the big fear for me is to get locked into something, by way of financial leverage, that is not where we want to go. Later, there would be a continued need to service something that you know is not the the right thing. That would be a big burden for me. Maybe not for others but for me, it would be big.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Townhouse blues
We are in the townhouse. While it is clean, new, and relatively comfortable on its own, it is less comfortable when it is filled with cardboard boxes.
We have decided to pare back even further in order to avoid some of the visual (and physical) clutter that all the boxes provide. We all agree that this is sub-optimal. The kids are stressed. We are stressed. We are coping but sometimes losing a bit of the grip. I quite surprised at what isn't fitting in a space purported to be 1,400 square feet.
As for the future, who knows. Our current goal is to make it past the July 4th holiday without adding to our stress level. No open houses, no hunting, no offers, just unpacking as little as possible to make ourselves as comfortable as possible in this space.
We have decided to pare back even further in order to avoid some of the visual (and physical) clutter that all the boxes provide. We all agree that this is sub-optimal. The kids are stressed. We are stressed. We are coping but sometimes losing a bit of the grip. I quite surprised at what isn't fitting in a space purported to be 1,400 square feet.
As for the future, who knows. Our current goal is to make it past the July 4th holiday without adding to our stress level. No open houses, no hunting, no offers, just unpacking as little as possible to make ourselves as comfortable as possible in this space.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Hello Townhouse!
We completed our move on June 3, Friday. I would love to say it sucked, but I think that would be an unhealthy way to feed into my negativity.
To be honest, I don't mind moving, under the right circumstances. I like the purging that it creates. You have to take an honest look at whether you want to move something, or whether you would pay someone else to move it. That's a powerful decision. Our movers were great and fast. Started by 9:00, done by 2:30. Two trips.
The part I don't like is unpacking, even more than packing. For us, the last two moves have been downward moves, and maybe that's all there is to it. We are living in a space that was 60% of our Alder St house (where I recovered from surgery). Just think of getting rid of 40% of your stuff. It is probably a higher number than that because the kids' stuff is increasing, meaning our stuff must decrease propotionately.
To envision this place, think hotel. Embassy suites for example. It's livable, new, everything fits. Doors latch. Plugs aren't loose. But it also charm-free. Well, it is supposed to be temporary so maybe that will be motivating. I just hope it doesn't motivate us to do something stupid.
To be honest, I don't mind moving, under the right circumstances. I like the purging that it creates. You have to take an honest look at whether you want to move something, or whether you would pay someone else to move it. That's a powerful decision. Our movers were great and fast. Started by 9:00, done by 2:30. Two trips.
The part I don't like is unpacking, even more than packing. For us, the last two moves have been downward moves, and maybe that's all there is to it. We are living in a space that was 60% of our Alder St house (where I recovered from surgery). Just think of getting rid of 40% of your stuff. It is probably a higher number than that because the kids' stuff is increasing, meaning our stuff must decrease propotionately.
To envision this place, think hotel. Embassy suites for example. It's livable, new, everything fits. Doors latch. Plugs aren't loose. But it also charm-free. Well, it is supposed to be temporary so maybe that will be motivating. I just hope it doesn't motivate us to do something stupid.
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