Thanksgiving thoughts

This blog has occasionally been a cathartic mechanism for me (and others). Today it is a bit more of that for me.

A year ago this week, we had visits from Nicole, Dad, and Christine. We started some projects, had some great meals, and went to some cool places (like Salumi and the Frye Museum). It was an amazing way for me, and by extension, my family to mark our territory. On a side note, the sink hasn’t backed up since Dad and I fixed it last year. Knock on wood.

We had the holiday of a lifetime this past summer. I could not have wished a better one.

Having the house now for a little over a year, I see the point. I’m proud of the things we’ve done, and I look forward to the things we will do. But those are just things. The more dear impression is the act of observing the calm and comfort it brings to the people inhabiting the house. I’m glad I could get beyond my reservations to enable that. It’s not that there wasn’t comfort before, but this is a bit more intense.

Looking back to the past, as far back as Mom’s illness, there has been some tumult. And in recent years, we’ve experienced a great deal of turmoil. Moving into this house, and feathering the nest as we have has been a curative act. While I still can’t quite fathom the finances of it all, I’m okay with that. It takes awhile for some things to leave an impression.

Even my worklife has improved. I have found ways in which to keep in perspective. I’m playing with ideas. That technique is one of the single most useful techniques that I’ve learned in recent years. And while I could get all nauseating about “therapy” let me just say that I’m grateful for the kind and gentle healing of all my doctors, but especially Maryetta, my therapist. She is kind. She is intelligent. She understands how I think about things and offers very useful guidance to a person, me, I can’t help but think can be a difficult customer. So just ‘play with the idea.’ Don’t act at all. Fight the urge ‘to do’ and simply play with the idea. It’s low cost, low risk and it might help.

My thoughts have also turned to Amy’s family. Her mom is getting forgetful and, in recent visits, both Carl and Ginny have shown their age. It’s inevitable isn’t it? You want to take care of yourself and live a good life but eventually life takes its toll. Ginny herself has changed a bit but the bigger influence is on Paul, Karen and Amy. Carl is affected too but in a different way. The kids have to face both their parents mortality and, in a way, their own as a consequence. It makes you realize, like you needed another reminder, to appreciate the moment, notice the little things. Just go help out with the dishes and spend some time with her.

Mom’s death was untimely and made me very sad. It still does. But sadness is right next to happy in the emotional spectrum. You are sad because you loved so much. Emotions seem paired like that. And I can move from sad to reflecting on the not sad at all.

Aging is a little different. Cancer gives you a firm contrast. It is bad. It is fought. Aging doesn’t seem as serious, but it has an inevitable outcome. You don’t beat it. In that way, it is worse than cancer. It overcomes hope. I feel bad that my wife has to experience that. I hope that she can draw strength from her family and from mine.

It has been a strange realization that we are now entering a new phase of our adult lives. It’s news to me. Despite losing people who were dear, and some who were old, I’m seeing a different side of life now. The challenge is to find a way to get through to another year, because another year will come.